Self-reflection tool

Relationship habits

How many red flags are your own?

This looks at your habits, not your partner's. That is deliberate: you cannot change theirs and you can change yours. Answer as you actually are in your most recent relationship, not as you would like to be.

20 questions · 4 min

What this measures

A single scale built from twenty relationship habits: how you react when angry, what you say when hurt, how you handle jealousy, boundaries, and taking responsibility. A higher score means more habits that wear a relationship down.

Worth saying plainly

This is a mirror, not a diagnosis of you or of your relationship. A high score does not mean you are a bad person — it means some of your habits are doing damage, and habits can change. One thing said plainly: if there is violence, threats, financial control or being cut off from the people close to you, that is not a matter of habits and no quiz is the right tool for it — please talk to someone you trust or a support organisation.

A tool for reflection and for having language to describe yourself — not a validated measure.

The other results

Very few red flags

Your foundations are solid

A few red flags

Mostly fine, a couple of things to adjust

Quite a few red flags

Some of this is genuinely wearing things down

A lot of red flags

Worth stopping and looking properly

Common questions

Why can't I score my partner instead?: Because it would be both inaccurate and unhelpful. You only see their behaviour from outside, while you know your own motives. And more to the point: a list of someone else's faults rarely leads to change — it usually leads to an argument.
If my score is high, should I break up?: This test does not answer that, and you should distrust any site that does. A high score means there is work to do, not that there is a conclusion to draw. The part worth reading is the list of specific things under your result.
Does the result change between relationships?: Yes, quite a lot. Plenty of people are even-tempered in one relationship and sharp in another — habits form between two people rather than sitting inside one. Hold one particular relationship in mind while you answer.
Is my result stored or sent anywhere?: No. It runs entirely in your browser, and if you save it to a profile it stays in this browser's storage on this device.

And you?

Take the test to see your own result.