When to close this page: signs you are seeking reassurance rather than an answer, and what to do instead of drawing another card

Picture an evening like this. Lan, 27, has just had the final interview for a job she badly wants, and the company has promised an answer within a week. That night she draws a tarot card asking whether she will get it. Five of Pentacles. She draws again, "just to be sure". The Star. She feels relief. Half an hour later she opens the app again.

The people who write this site want to say something slightly odd for a tarot and astrology website: there are times when the best thing you can do with it is close it. Every tool here helps within a range and stops helping outside it. That line is not about how much you believe but how often you come back.

Four signs to watch for

• You ask the same question several times a day, each time hoping for a different answer.
• You retake a test until it gives the result you want.
• You put off a decision while waiting for a sign.
• You feel relieved straight after reading, then anxious again a few hours later.

The fourth is the clearest sign and the hardest to spot. It means what you are getting is not an answer but reassurance. Reassurance wears off quickly, so you need more and more. In clinical psychology this is called reassurance seeking, and it is studied closely in anxiety disorders.

Why the loop feeds itself

When anxious, people look for certainty. A card or a test gives an instant feeling of certainty, so it soothes very fast. But because it does nothing about the actual worry, the anxiety returns, and next time you need more.

One more mechanism makes redrawing hard to stop. In the 1950s the psychologist B. F. Skinner showed that rewards arriving unpredictably, sometimes yes and sometimes no, produce the most persistent behaviour. It is the principle behind slot machines. Drawing a card works the same way: this time a bad card, next time perhaps a good one, and that possibility keeps your hand on the screen.

It is the same mechanism as checking your phone over and over while waiting for an important message. Nobody checks because they think it has arrived. They check because checking soothes for a few seconds.

What to do instead of drawing another card

Write down the question that is really worrying you, in one sentence. For Lan, the real question is not "will I get the job", because no card knows that. It is "what will I do if I don't". Once that is written down she can answer it: send two more applications this week, so that a week of waiting is not a week of only waiting.

Very often, writing the question down is the hardest part, and the answer becomes clear the moment the question is. If it does not, talk to a real person. A blunt friend who knows your situation will help more than any tool on this site.

And if things are heavy, if the worry has lasted weeks or is affecting your sleep or work, see a doctor or a psychologist. If you ever find yourself thinking about harming yourself, contact your local emergency services or go to the nearest hospital straight away; in Vietnam, that number is 115. That is not failure. It is using the right tool for the job, which is all this site is trying to do as well.